This journey feels familiar.
I am 21 weeks pregnant as of yesterday. Because of my previous history of preterm delivery, I am being monitored closely with a high risk OB at McMaster. I have ultrasounds biweekly (since 14 weeks) and had a cerclage placed at 15 weeks. Yesterday, I had an ultrasound and OB appointment (scheduled back-to-back as always) and wasn’t prepared for the news I received. Though thankfully the cerclage is still snugly in place, my cervix has shortened significantly enough in the past two weeks that I was taken off of work effective immediately and told to stay home with my feet up. If baby came now, there is no chance that he (yes, for those who might not have seen the news on Facebook – we’re having our fourth boy!!) would survive. We have to get past the point of viability (24 weeks), and I am believing for well beyond that.
It was a lot to process and I have felt emotionally overwhelmed since yesterday. I am scared but trying hard not to worry. I read a post entitled “Turning Worry into Worship” on Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning about the Proverbs 31 woman, who laughs at the days to come because she is confident in her God. I want to be like that. I don’t want to become burdened with worry or fear. I want to full-heartedly trust God because I know that He is faithful. I will choose to worship Him in this and to use this time as an opportunity to have intimate time with Him, way more time than I would get otherwise. I also hope to be able to get back into writing with all this extra time on my hands! As I lie in bed, baby boy kicks away as happy as can be, a reassuring reminder of his life, which I know is in God’s hands.
Please pray for me – that I would trust and not allow fear to creep in, and for my family – as we are suddenly forced to make changes to nearly everything we do, and with us – that this precious little boy would stay put for several – several!! – more weeks (better yet – months!) and that my body would do what it needs to do make that happen.
As I remain home in bed while my family is at church, I remind myself that things could be much worse. Tomorrow I might venture to the couch downstairs for a change of scenery, but I’ve got everything I need within arms reach, and I’m thankful I’m not in the hospital and can be home with my family. I just started watching tonight’s church service on livestream – I’m blessed 🙂